well...i'm back after a bit of a hiatus...seems like life has this odd habit of reminding me that i shouldn't take things for granted...especially not those small things like having a job, a home or sanity(tho this is a relative thing anyway)...i have to remember to stay alert for that other shoe dropping...i admit that it was my own fault, i got a bit cocky...i forgot that although you can make yourself irreplacable at work, this does you no good if you company mismanages themselves out of the contract you work on(btw, being able to say "i told you so" doesn't pay your bills)...if you are not working, then unfortunately you often no longer have a home(if you can't pay the rent they throw you out of the kitchen)
I also sold too many of my friends short in too many ways...some(ok almost all of them) i expected too much out of them...i have this problem with holding others to the same impossible standards i hold myself...it isn't like i am a perfectionist(well not exactly), but i have very high standards for my behavior and actions(i disappoint myself frequently, alas)...i also don't cut myself much slack when i fall short(yes, this leads to lots of problems), and am very hard on myself when i fall short...needless to say i am disappointed in myself all too often, and alas get disappointed in others quite often too...i should not blame some one for taking advantage of me, when i spoil them...if you consistantly let some one bend your rules, you should not be surprised when they break them...this is probably not one of my better similies, but i hope you get what i mean
My most foolish mistake though was in thinking that some members of my family had changed....hrmmmmm....changed how they dealt with me, or perhaps in how they relate to me is more accurate...i really should know better, after all i haven't changed much in how i relate to them, so why should they change...these expectations lead to occasional disapointments of monumental proportions...which sometimes leads to loss of things like a sense of who i am, or having self esteem and so on ad nauseum...anyway im back and will be writing again(for good or otherwise)...so until next time
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