a couple of quick clarifications before getting into it...first, i'm a smoker...second, while i don't subscribe to any organized religion, i respect everyone's right to follow their(or Jim Jones' for that matter) beliefs, i will not mock or deride unless forced into it...so, that said let's procede
What is it with non-smokers and religious fanatics...why lump them together you say...well, because both groups seem to be not just certain of the rightness of their cause, but so completely intent on spreading the faith that they trample anything, and everything in sight to do so...the worst (to me), being basic rules of common courtesy, assuming any disagreement is a sign of mental incapacity, and treating us like we are mannerless children...the word no seems to have no meaning at all, they ask if you want to hear the list of reason you will die, or go straight to hell...they will spout out their entire litany, despite pleas, vacant stares, interruption or flight...run and they follow like a twisted shadow...shutting the door only makes them increase volume, or knock loudly until your will is overwhelmed and you open it again....and they will back every assertion with "facts" which could at best truly be called theory, and in some cases wishful thinking of some demented sort
some specific occurances which piss me off to no end:
religious fanatics have at various times in my life done the following; while living in san diego, had this group of 7th day adventists that came door to door through my neighborhood 4 days a week...group composed of little(and not so little) old black ladies and their(i assume) grandchildren...refuse to stop knocking until door opened (always arrived at daybreak), and then would not leave until you accepted literature and promised to consider their words....tried closing/slamming door, and found feet, umbrella, or other impediment blocking closure with amazing spped and dexterity for women in their 60s and older...nerves frayed after this has now continued into a third week, i think, i will scare them off...next morning answer the door wearing long black robe, candles burning everywhere, and tell them i am busy preparing for black mass and actually get the door shut....big mistake, as they now convene en mass in my front yard and start praying loudly for my soul alternated with loudly(and poorly) sung gospel...i am forced to flee over the back fence, through neighbors yard, and slink a mile to nearest phone, call a friend and sleep on his couch for the next two days, until they give up...two days later they are back...in a stroke of genius fed by desparation i answer the door stark naked, screams of horror, dogea swipe of umbrella, shut door, peace at last...yes, i am surely going to hell, or would if i believed in it...i knew this years before because while enjoying the dubious pleasure of 45 days of correctional custody (kind of a cross between prison and boot camp the navy uses to fuck with people), i become the unwilling focus of the local incarnation of the spanish inquisition, after foolishly asking for something other than a bible to read...foot in mouth, i stuff the other in also by offhandedly comment (retorting to the remark that fiction is written by the devil to lead the unwary astray) that maybe the devil wrote the bible to lead the faithful to damnation...after witnessing for the first time a person turn purple in fury and seeing his veins pop to amazing hight and clarity, he screams nonstop that i am the antichrist(flattering, no) accompanied by much saliva, rendering me speechless in sunned amazement...which he misinterprets as???so he hits me a few times...i, of course feel obligated to push both legs further down my throat, and mutter how this a perfect example of the typical method used through history in spreading the faith...if you can't reason, why just beat it into them...then procede to point out that i (having no real options anyway) will act as a true christian and turn the other cheek, i do so, ensuring myslf daily beatings for the next 37 days until released.
now while i have to admit that no antismoking nazis have exactly matched either of those, they have: forced me to subject myself to stand in the far extremes of weather providing not shelter, and then have the nerve to deny any complicity in the inevitable bouts of illness caused by exposure...left reams of unsoliceted and unwelcome literature outlining my certain doom via a slew of nasty diseases...badgered me(for my own good) with predictions of my certain death by cancer...i attempted to debate this, was quoted "fact' back by research, my refutal based on atempting to explain that the data was flawed scientifically, due to the inability of true controlled studies meeting the absolute defined criterea of scientific method feel on deaf ears...i get annoyed, ask if this certainty of my death is due to their inbenting a time machine while puttering in the garage, traveling to the future and visting the hospital where i was lying on my cancerous deathbed...they were insulted and condemned me to my doom, as thankfully left me in peace...have had more of these individuals invite me to their home or offered me a lift, then lectured me that i can not smoke in their house, or car....now this chaps my ass big time...i was raised properly, and have manners...it would never occur to me to light up in another person's house or car, unless given carte blanche in advance, or asking first, and if i know you don't smoke, i would assume that i should not smoke in your house/car and wait till i leave or step outside...even if you do smoke, i will always ask first, it is the polite thing to do
so, maybe these two groups are not exactly the same, but they share so many patterns of behavior they belong together in my lsit of those in serious need of, a clue, a swift kick, or at least need to read miss manners
Posted by Angstman at July 20, 2003 07:31 AM | TrackBack