Pleasant Visitations

had a really pleasant visit by my dad and stepmom yesterday...visits by members of my family are always something i look forward to with mixed feelings...i love them all, but i always spend days before their coming in a state of anxiety and/or panic for varying reasons...with my borther, sister, and daughter, there are always stupid irrational fears of some horrible thing happening to them in transit, which would of course be totally my fault, leaving me anxious until they6 actually arrive and prove said fears to be groundless...with my parents, there is above fears, mixed with dread that some event will occur while they are here that will cause me intense emotional pain...this based on a lifetime of such pain, even though visits over the last few years have not included any such incedents.

this visit yesterday was exceptionally nice, not only having no painful moments, but actually leaving wishing that we had been able to spend more time together...maybe this is signalling that my dad and i have truly been able to put most of the bad stuff behind us and can have something resembling a good father son relationship...this would make me very happy...we talked without any of the all too common tension present in many past conversations, and laughed a lot...the weather was perfect, and we were able to spend a couple of hours wandering the property, including my taking them for a ride on the Massey-Fergeson into the back pasture so they could see the cows and admire the view, and solitude...they loved seeing the property, though my dad seemed a bit apprehensive about riding perched on the fender...my stepmom, however had a blast and was grinning nonstop for the entire ride...she also had fun communing with Dude (our miniature paint), spending about 15 minutes sitting in the dirt, petting his mane and cheeks (he loves having his cheeks petted)...i was sad they had to leave so early, and hope they can come back and visit again soon.