Simple Rules

i was slapped in the face again today with the harsh reality of how badly so many people in this country parent their children...while standing in line at Walmart, i told the woman in front of me what a beautiful child she had, to which she replied she wished he acted as beautifully as he looked....that he was spoiled, and more along those lines...i just stood there speechless, my heart breaking for this poor child, thinking he deserves better, and wanting to sit this foolish woman down and straighten her out...alas, this is not an acceptable act, and wishing to avoid uneccessary conflict, wisely kept my mouth shut...i know how difficult raising children is, i have a daughter, and i know i made many mistakes along the way, because kids don't come with an instruction manual (not that most people would bother reading it if they did), and while everyone, and anyone wants to give you (mostly bad) advice, there seems to be a lack of simple basic rules spelled out on proper (in my opinion) parenting.

while my only qualifications for doing so are that my daughter turned out quite well (not just in my eyes), so i thought i would provide my version of some basic rules of parenting...here they are:
1) Always do what you say you are going to do - i can not stress this enough...you must follow through with what you have told them, both good and bad...if you say you will punish them for doing something and they do it, then you must go through with said punishment...if you promise to take them somewhere, do it, even if you are not feeling up to it, and at least pretend you are enjoying it...this means, don't threaten your child with unrealistic punishment, such as slapping them silly, or grounding them for life...this is one of the key foundations of trust, respect and discipline.
2) Pick your battles - children will continuously push the boundaries, and unless you want your, and their life to be a constant battleground, save making stands for the really important issues...this doesn't mean let them run wild, just let the small stuff slide from time to time (let kids be kids), and be a rock on the important key things.
3) Teach by example - this is another of the key foundations...you must act consistently with what you are saying...telling them that they should behave a certain way, and then doing the opposite teaches them hypocracy is ok, and they won't respect what you say...if you want them to be polite, be polite....if you have to break your own rules, explain why you did so to them.
4) Tell them, and show them, that you love them unconditionally. Do this every day, as often as possible - i can't stress this one enough...make sure they know, that no matter what happens, that you will always love them, just because they are your child...let them know that what you want for them more than anything else is for them to be happy...let them know that you know they will make mistakes, and that it is ok, you won't love them any less for it...let them know that they can always tell you anything, that they can come to you for help and advice with out fearing you will no longer love them.
5) Talk to, and with, not at your child - another biggie here...treat them with respect when you talk...let them know that what they have to say matters...explain in reasonable terms why you are saying what you are saying...answer their questions seriously...don't be condescending or patronising.
6) Don't punsih out of anger.
7) Praise and reward them for good behaviour - the carrot works much better than the stick...if you show your child that they can easily get your positive attention, they will want to.
8) Spend quality time with them every day - find activities to do with them, and let them know how much you enjoy doing things with them...be a kid with them sometimes...build mud pies, stomp in puddles, whatever, it's fun.
9) The TV, video games, computer is not a babysitter.
10) Don't tell your child they are stupid, ugly, etc.

there are many many more important things i have no listed here, but this is a good start...maybe you disagree with what i listed, if so i'm curious to know why...as i said, this is incomplete, so feel free to add to this list as you see fit...i may add more at a later time...i hope i haven't offended you all, by stating the obvious, or think i'm implying none of you are doing a great job on your own, with out my two cents...most of you are doing a great job already.