Final deviantart journal entry
added several more pages to my site....am finally starting to get a feeling of it pulling together....starting to feel like a site, and more important, the site i pictured
two more pages added to my site....wooohooo....starting to look like a real site finally
what a relief to finally finish a new piece, esp one that i have been trying to complete for months...these last few months have been frustrating in so many ways...having to devote so much of my time and myself to getting myself and my g/f through the trauma of selling her ranch...and then having several graphics that i can visualize the completed lokk as clear as day, and having no clue how to get it there....just fumbling about and frustrating myself totally which only made dealing with everything else harder...times like these last few months i wish that every person in my life that proved their total lack of comprehehsion of how difficult being bipolar makes life by uttering any one of the hundreds of things people tell you thinking it helps when at best they only annoy and often increase those lovely feelings of being about 1/2 step out of synch with the rest of the world...sometimes i am amazed that the suicide rate for bipolar people is only %25...seems like it should be around %50 or more...i know a large reason i am still walking around is the i am not into following trends...i almost never like in any way or have an urge to participate in popular or hot things....fuck, maybe i am really out of synch with the rest of the world
TANSTAAFL
*sigh*....been ages since i had time to log on to the net and do more than delete spam in my hotmail account....bleah....craziness abounds on the homefront due to preparing the house to be listed and showable...be a few more weeks b4 things slow down unfortunately....can't any new graphics finished either, which is driving me nuts....got two might have done in a week if i can find the time and inspiration....hoping i do
rant time:
wtf is up with all this flamewar bs in the forums....seems that got to wade through tons of replys submitted consisting of little or no more than an insult to the original poster or a reply. If you don't like someone else opinion, behavior, art, etc that is your right. If you want to offer a dissenting opinion, also your right, if done intelligently at least in my opinion...however this "you suck" or "this sucks"(insert any of the many variations in the quotes), especially when off topic or at best marginally related is spam, and no more useful or desirable as any other spam we are bombarded with...surely there must be something better for them to waste their time doing
another all nighter...fun fun fun....well at least i get a good amount accomplished most of the time this way....been so busy working on web site projects(alas not for myself) that haven't had any time for working on my site or for creating new art...need to make some time for both very soon...getting that must create itch
posted up my web site yesterday (such as it is)....more like the beginnings of a site really....gonna be working on it for quite a while i can tell...am going to try and add at least a couple of pages a day to the content untill i have more pages with content than i have blank pages....easy to say, hard to do...we shall see
%$*^%#$*%*dial up hassles...the joys of country living...no phone service(or internet) due to cable problems on the phone lines...the problem is the cables are older than i am most likely...at least can finally dial back in....i wonder if there is any hope that broadband will be available some day out here
Freedom is the right to completely screw up your life
Well, been doin better about commenting and postin in the forums, then i realised that i had missed responses to stuff i said....life *sigh*...at least i think i am balancing my time a bit more evenly in here the last week....now if i could only spend more time here....maybe soon....things finally mellowed out a lot yesterday and i got a big weight off my back....need to do some art, flush the lingering blech out....of course it is never that simple....hopefully will be able to devote some time to it....tho still need to devote more to trying to earn a living some how too....no one ever said things would come easy....does let me appreciate them more tho
I want to apologize for being lax about commenting on deviations, posting and not keeping up the journal...there is no good excuse really, no matter what else i should have given more time to these things....i am going to make an effort to be better, especially in the comments from now on...i truly appreciate receiving comments and know we all feel the same way...i am very sorry for not contributing fairly
Love my new computer...still wish i could have put together dual xeon machine, but the new p4 chips kick ass...things definately seem to be looking better these days...might be working things out with my dad fianlly...confused about something tho...posted some of my stuff on customize and been getting horrible reviews and lots of downloads...don't quite understand that one...heh...doesn't matter anyway
All Fall Down
finnally getting over soem nasty flu crud....nothing like being sick to kill any creative urges...hopefully get back into it now
Got some really helpful comments tonite...reworked a piece in two variations and can't wait to get feedback...amazing how much positive effect on my mood creating and feedback both bring...wish i had found this out years ago
thankfully seem to have survived another christmas...stress was really bad there for the last few days...now maybe i can relax and try and create...keep my fingers crossed
back after a short hiatus, due to my anual bronchitus fun...feeling really good after some critique from my sister...i wish, oh i wish i had her artistic talents...posted a new wallpaper after some final tweaking and 24 hours coming up with a title...why is the name so important...seems naming my stuff matters as much as creating for some reason...oh well, cant fight these things...i wish i could spend more time admiring and commenting on the art here...maybe a faster connect would help...i know finishing pending projects will...guilt weighs heavily alas
still kind of amazed that people like my stuff...definately cool, and it definately gives me encouragement to keep at it...now will have to try and keep focused on trying to let those good feelings bleed over into the rest of my life...well back to the grind for now, got some werk to do.
This is the first entry from my deviantart journal
finally got up the nerve to quit lurking and submit something...cool...something else to stress over...this last 18 months have really been something else...nothing like a long dip into the deep end of the pool of depression with a few random bouts of disphoric mania to remind you that surviving life is hard work...the only good things to come out of it all so far, are a kick ass girl friend, discovering this site, and finding that screaming in photoshop is much better than screaming internally while memorizing the ceiling over the bed for the umpteenth time...heh...strangely enough i think things are improving (at least i hope im not just fooling myself) somewhat recently, and with a little luck maybe figure out how to talk to my dad, and with a lot get a new system in the next couple of months...think i will try and be productive in some way for a bit...maybe more tomorrow